Mutants In Black
by SciFiSG1
Summary: Parody of Men In Black...with the XMen!
1. Chapter 1

**Mutants in Black**

**A Parody of Men in Black**

**By JediTwitch**

**Okay everybody, this is my first attempt at a parody and also my first attempt at an X-Men story, so be patient with it, kay. So do the usual, read and review or I'll get sad (**

**Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men Evo., Superman, or Men In Black and if I did I would be rich. I do own my OC's, though.**

Prologue

As the title suggests, this is a parody of Men in Black, X-Men style. Lots of characters and OCs. So here we go with the cast!

**DIRECTOR- Wanda Maximoff**

Characters:

Driver/Tony-Toad

Kay-(Name in parody will be R) Piotr Rasputin

Dee-(Name in parody will be H) Logan Howlet

Mikey-Sabertooth

Edwards/Jay-(Name in parody will be L) Remy LeBeau

Cop/Sergeant/MiB Passpot Officer-Blob

Perp-Samuel Guthrie

Laurel/Elle-(Name in parody will be D) Rogue

Jeebs-Forge

Waitress/Cab Driver-Kitty

Edgar-Scott

Beatrice-Jean

Zed-Xavier

Arquillian-Magneto

Bee-Beast

Rosenberg-Robert Dacosta

Orion-Rahne Sinclair

Baltian-Bobby

Twins-Amara and X-23

Vendor-Lady Deathstrike

Frank the Pug-Pietro

The Worms-Pyro

And now for theOC characters:

Agent Janus/MiB HQ Guard-Calvin Kent

2nd INS Agent-Jessen Charburn

Inspector-Will Grace

Marine-Roonil Wazlib

Navy SEAL-Harvey Packer

Army Ranger-Jacob Baron

Orkin Man-Bob Blish

Redgick-Cory Swiss

Redgick's Wife-Brie Swiss

Cockroach in "Edgar Suit"-Mrs. Willet (an evil teacher)

Chapter 1-You Win Some and You Lose Some

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Setting: Texas/Mexican Border at night.

A million stars wink in the night desert sky. Down here on earth, an insect, one of those big, ugly, multicolored four-winged jobs, glides effortlessly on the breez. The insect dips, banks and does some loop-the-loops, when it splats against the windshield of a white van travaling down the road. The driver of the van, a seventeen-year-old named Todd, turns on the wipers, smearing its guts all over the windshield.

"Aw man! That coulda been my dinner, yo!" groaned Todd.

He squirts wiper fluid on the windshield when he sees something up ahead. It's a group of headlights sealing off the road. Todd bites his lips then turns to talk to his passengers in the back of the van.

"Deja me hablar (1)." says Todd.

"Woah! I didn't know you spoke Spanish..." Wanda says in surprise.

"You never asked." Todd shrugs simply. "But anyway, we better get back to the parody. Mr. JediTwitch doesn't want us talkin' yo."

"Ok you go right ahead with that." Wanda nods.

The van comes to a stop in front of the parked cars, all government issued and all have the three letter "INS" on them. The leader of the group steps forward and comes to the window.

"Oh crap, what'd I do now yo!" gripes Todd.

Toad rolls his window down. Agent Calvin Kent (2), dark brown hair, blue-eyed, apparently also goverment issued, looks at Toad and sighs.

"Well. Toady Tolansky. What a surprise. Where you comin' from?" asks Kent

"I was fishing in Curnavaca." says Todd.

"Yeah, right. Sure you were. What do you say we have a look at your "catch" huh?" It was not a request.

At the back of Todd's van, Kent opens the doors, revealing a dozen frightened mexicans, illegal frightened mexicans. Kent looks at Todd, who is now being held by the other two INS agents, and shakes his head.

"I would've thrown 'em back" Kent says. "Vamanos. Fuera. Hagan una lina! (3)" he says to the mexicans.

The mexicans pile out of the van. Some of them have small children with them.

"What did you get, Toad? Hundred flies a head? Two hundred? I hope you saved it all for your lawer pal 'cause your gonna-" starts Kent.

Another car approches them, fast! Its engine is whining as it comes down the road toward them. Some of the Agents pull out their weapons.

The car pulls a hard right, goes off the road, spins around the INS cars, and squeals sideways to a halt. It's a boxy, black 1986 Ford LTD.

Two men get out of the car, dressed in black suits, white shirts, and simple black ties, and black dress shoes. Their names are Agent R, a seventeen-year-old Russian, and his partner Agent H, a fourty-year-old Canadian. They approach the INS Agents.

"We shall take this from here comerades." says Piotr in his thickly accented voice.

"Um, who are you again?" inquires Agent Kent irritably.

Piotr and Logan flash some form of ID badge.

"INS Division 6." replies R.

"Division 6? I never heard of Division 6." says Kent.

"Really?"

Piotr and Logan push pass Kent and approach the nervous looking illegal immigrants.

"Vhat are ve thinking, H?" R asks his partner.

"Tough call, bub." grunts Logan.

Piotr walks down the row of mexicans, studying each of their faces, and greeting them cheerfully in Spanish.

"!Qye! Que pasa, coma estas?" (4) says Piotr. "No se preocupe, abuela. Bienvenida a los Estados Unidos. (5) He moves on to the next immigrant, saying something just as cheerful.

"When did all my crew start learning Spanish?" Wanda asks in confusion. Everyone ignores her hoping to get their jobs done quickly.

One by one their faces relax. When Piotr reaches the fifth immigrant, he keeps the same cheery tone, but he knows something is up with this one.

"Que dices si te rompo la cara (6)?" he says to him.

The guy smiles and nods and Piotrstops in front of him, his own smile gets bigger and he puts a hand on the guy's shoulder.

"No hablas ni una palabra del Espanol, verdad, amigo (7)?"

Again, the guy smiles and nods, completely unaware of what the Russian is saying. Piotr looks back at Logan."I vould guess that ve haff found who ve vere lookink for!" he says with a solemn expression. "Los restos estan libres a irse. Largense! (8)" he says to the immigrants.

Agent Kent speaks up. "Sir!"

Piotr ignors him. "Tomen el camion, y vayeuse (9)."

"Sir, you can't just-"

"Do not "sir" me! You have no idea who you are dealing with!"

Todd grins and jumps back into the front seat. "Later yo!" The mexicans pile into the back and then they all take off down the road.

"We are goink to haff a talk with our comerade here." Piotr says to Agent Kent. "You may hit the road...vhy are they supposed to hit the road? That does not make any sense to me..."

Wanda rubs her temple and sighs. "Its an expression, big guy."

"Oh so it is just one of those American things?" Piotr asks.

"Yea." Wanda agrees. "Now the parody if you please?"

"Right." Piotr says and turns back to the government agents. "...And keep on protecting us from the dangerous aliens." he adds with a sarcastic smirk which looked rather out of place on the normally calm and quiet Russian.

Logan and Piotr escort the "mexican" across the road to a small rise, leaving the INS agents.

"You ever hear of Division 6?" Agent Kent asks.

"There is no Division 6." says a second INS agent named Charburn. "It's bullshit."

The two mutant agents lead the "mexican" to a clearing in the desert bush. Logan pulls a huge handgun from a shoulder holster and stays a couple of feet away to cover Piotr just incase.

"I think that you have jumped off the bus in the wrong part of town, comerade." the Russian produces a hand knife. "In fact, I am willing to bet rubels to pesos that you are not even from around here."

He takes the knife and cuts down the front of the "mexican", revealing what he really is underneath: a Scaly Space Bastard. He looks to be about six-and-a-half feet tall, with a snout, flippers, and independently moving eyes on stalks at the top of his head.

"Sabertooth?" Logan growls. "When the Hell'd they let you out?"

"Damn costume...too small..." squeaks Sabertooth. "Could ask you the same thing pops. Oh right, not supposed to talk... DON'T LET HER TAKE AWAY MY CATNIP MOUSE!" he cowers upon recieving a glare from our esteemed directoress.

Sabertooth replies to Piotr's question in a combination of grunts and squeaks while Logan laughs.

"Political refugee? I seriously doubt that." says the young Russian, trying not to crack a smile at the thought of Wanda terrifying Sabretooth.

"Do you know how many treaty articles you've just violated?" asks H. Then he chuckles. "You have a cat nip mouse!"

"If you even think about replying to that Sabretooth, there is pain in your immediate future." Wanda promises.

Sabertooth resortss to making a lame squeak sound.

"I am thinking that power madness must run in her family..." Piotr mutters under his breath. "One? My ass, try seven!" he snorts..

"From unauthorized immigration to failure to properly inoculate prior to landing." says Logan with an air of seriousness. "Don't ever make me say that again or it's your head."

Sabertooth objects with a series of grunts and squeaks.

"Okay, I have had enough." interupts Piotr. "Hand me the head and put all ur arms and flippers up."

Somebody gasps from somewhere behind Sabertooth. Logan and Piotr 9look over his shoulders quickly to see Agent Kent, as did one of the stalks on Sabertooths head. Agent Kent was just standing there in frozen amazememn.

Piotr curses violently in his native tongue. Logan looks impressed and the rest of the cast is in a state of shock.

"Vhat, it says to svear in da script." Piotr shrugs.

Agent Kent start to scream as Sabertooth knocks Logan out of the way, screeching a horrible Space Bastard screech. Kent doesn't run because he terrified.

"Wolverine! Shoot him! Please." Piotr adds wincing at how violent he was supposed to sound.

H struggles to roll over and to change the settings on his gun that fell out of his hand and hit the ground.

"H this vould be a really great time to-"

Sabertooth leaps, covering the last few yards to Agent Kent, his jaws cranked wide open. There is a sizzling sound, and a brilliant white flash.

Sabertooth erupts into a geyser of blue goo that splatters all over the ground, the cactuses, and Agent Kent. Behind, where Sabertooth was, stands Piotr, smoking weapon in his hand.

The other INS agents pull out their guns and race towards the rise. Agent Kent and Piotr start walking toward each other.

"Th...th...th..." stutters Kent.

"That" says Piotr, helping.

"That wasn't...wasn't...wasn't..."

"Human? Vell technically neither are you. Comink from Krypton and all. But zat is neither here nor there. Oops, got some entrails on you there buddy."

Piotr wipes some of the entrails off of Agent Kent. As he does Kent looks back to where Sabertooth blew up, then at the Russian, then up at the stars. At the same time, the rest of the INS agents arrive, shouting questions.

"Okay, everybody, this situation is under control, calm down. If you will just give me you attention for a moment I shall explain what has happened." says Piotr.

From over the rise, car headlights flash around them. Piotr reaches into his pocket and produces a small, tubular metallic deviece. He sets one of the dials to "08".

"This is called a "neuralyzer"." says R to the INS agents. "It is gift from some out of town friends. The red eye here isolates and measures the electronic impulses in your brain. More specifically, the ones for memory."

Behind the INS agents, six more MiB, all wearing black suits and sunglasses, come over the rise.

"Okay, I would appreciate a burn on this perimeter please; holes at forty, sixty, and eighty. Thank you" orders R to the new MiB people.

"What in the hell is going on?" inquiers Agent Charburn.

"Well, the answer lies right here." say Piotr, pointing to the red eye.

"Who are you, really?" asks Agent Kent.

"Really? I am just a figment of you imagination." says Piotr.

He holds up the neuralyzer, the agents peer closesly at the red eye. Piotr reaches inside his suit pocket and put on his black sunglasses, and pushes a button. A blinding flash of light sears the agent's eyeballs. They stare, blankly.

"God we are a gullible breed."

Piotr hears the sound of flame throwers. The INS agents were just starting to come around.

"I mean it comerades, you are lucky to be alive after a blast like that." Piotr says to the agents.

"What...blast?" asks a very confused Agent Kent.

Piotr points behind the agents, where the Mutant in Black were now using extinguisheres to douse the flames they started.

"Underground gas vein." says Piotr. "You guys really need to exercise more caution before discharging your firearms like that." he jabs a finger in Kent's chest. "Especially you."

Logan moves away from them all and sits down on a rock. Piotr joins him.

"I'm sorry." grunts Logan. "About back there."

"It is alright. These sort of things happen." Piotr reassures him..

"Didn't use to." Logan looks away. "The spirit's willing, R, but the rest of me...well a healin' factor only helps so much..." He looks up at the stars. "Ther beautiful, ain't they?"

"What?" asks Piotr in confusion.

"The stars, we never just...look at them anymore." he looks back to Piotr. He grits his teeth and mutters. "Just five more minutes...then I can go wash out my mouth with a nice cold one." He regains a thoughtful expression. "I'll tell ya bub, I will miss the chase."

Piotr takes the neuralyzer back out of his pocket and looks down at it. He then points it at his partner.

"No, Logan. I am afraid you won't"

Piotr pushes the button, and there is another blinding flash of light.

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Translations and other author comments. Please note all translations in this chapter are from Spanish.

1) Let me do the talking

2) Based on Clark Kent, so sue me I was running short on characters...

3) Come on. Out. Form a line.

4) Hey! What's up, how are you

5) Don't worry grandma. Welcome to the United States.

6) What do you say if I break your face

7) You don't speek a word of Spanish, right, friend

8) The rest of you are free to go. Scram!

9) Get on the road and go!

**And now yall will review, right? Please? Please? Pretty please with sugar on top and maybe a strawberry too?**


	2. MIB?

**Hello everybody and welcome to chapter two of my parody of Men In Black. Sorry it took so long for an update, but school and other things have been keeping me really busy. Plus my other running story doesn't help much either, so if you also like Star Wars, go check it out. Anyway here's the chapter and I hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 2: MIB?

New York City, New York

Sam is being chased by a Remy and Fred who are dressed as New York City police cops. Remy is way out in front of the Fred because Fred is very overweight (about 976 pound overweight) and can't keep up the chase. He finally gives up and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.

"All yours, LeBeau." says Fred, as he takes a drag from the cigarette. "Wanda, I did what you said I had to, can I have 'em now...please?" Whined Fred

"Here, Blob, one box of Krispy Kremes, as per our...agreement you can finish these if you really must have donuts." says Wanda, rolling her eyes and handing over the dozen donuts.

"Oh! Yay!" He runs over to the box of donuts and starts chowing down.

"Hey, what about Remy and his chase?" inquires Remy. "So he get donuts fo' runnin' alla t'ree steps? What Remy gettin' outta dis?"

"You get hexed into next week if you don't' play your part!" snaps Wanda. "Okay everybody, back to work!"

Remy and Sam run across a bridge. Sam uses his power to jump the railing of the bridge, and takes a thirty foot drop to the street below, and he lands on his feet! Remy just stares as he couldn't believe what he just saw.

A double decker bus came into view and Remy decides to take his chance. He jumps the railing and he lands on the top of the bus, which is full of Japanese Tourists, looking terrified

"Scuse moi, it just be rainin' Cajuns in N'York." says Remy with a mock salute.

He goes through the crowd of tourists and gets off the bus and continues his chase. He spots him and starts running after him.

"Dammit, Wanda, d' y' know how 'spensive dry cleanin' de trench gonna be aft' all dis runnin' round?" complains Remy.

"Your problem, not mine, LeBeau. You said you wanted the part so here you go." Wanda shot back. Remy then called her something under his breath that wasn't so nice. "Damn right I am Cajun, don't forget it." Wanda called with a smirk. "Xavier or my father will pick up the bill. Just get back to acting."

"What! Young lady I will not pay for Gambit's laundry bills!" says Magneto.

"Shut up dad. You owe me so you do as I say!"

"Don't take that tone with me, daughter!"

"You're not the boss of me!"

"Eric, Wanda calm down." Says Xavier, coming between the Wanda and her father. "I will happily pay for Remy's trench coat cleaning. Besides, I pay for laundry anyway. Now, Gambit kindly get back to chasing Sam before Wanda goes postal."

Remy nods, then spots a mail delivery truck, the kind with the back door open, and he jumps into the back, hoping that it's going the way that Sam is.

When the truck finally catches up with Sam, Remy jumps off and glides into him. Remy straddles Sam up against the wall and proceeds to arrest him while flashing his badge.

"Y' see dis, farmboy? It say N-Y-P-D and it means Remy'll Knock Yo' Punk ass Down!" say Remy to Sam.

"He's coming! He's coming!" says Sam, terrified.

"Yeah? Well when he get here Remy kick his ass too."

Remy was about to slap the cuffs on Sam, but he pulls out a weapon that really doesn't belong to earth…especially since Forge built it. Remy acts quickly, though, and bats the weapon out of his hands. When the weapon hit the ground, it shatters into a million pieces and then catches fire and disintegrates itself.

"De hell?" Remy blinked. "Forge, does Remy even wanna ask what dat t'ing woulda done if Remy go hit with it?" Forge takes off running as Remy grabs a deck of cards.

Seeing the Remy was distracted, Sam kicks Remy "below the belt" and runs off. Remy takes off after him, but in obvious pain.

"Sunova...Merde dat hurt y' li'l bastard! Yo' gonna pay for dat one six times ov', Guthrie" grumbles Remy.

"It's in the script!" Sam cries. "Wanda made me do it!"

"Yo' still gonna die!" snarls Remy.

Sam takes off and hides behind Rogue. "Save me, Gambit's gonna kill me and I know he won't hurt you!" Rogue snickers, "Sorry, hands are tied by dedication to Wanda, the script, and Remy." Rogue runs off and Gambit tears after Sam.

"And here I thought it would be hard to make him keep chasing Sam." mused Wanda.

Sam runs across another street and leaps over a oncoming car and runs towards a museum. Remy follows, screaming threats, but a bus pulls out right in front of him. After it passes, Sam was gone. Remy runs over to the museum and leans over the wall that surrounds it. The next thing he sees is Sam using his powers and flies up about twenty feet and then is climbing the museum wall to the roof.

"Damn his powers!" Remy curses to himself.

"Aah, I love working with mutants." sighs Wanda. "We save so much on special effects this way!"

Remy runs over to the entrance of the museum. The doors were locked so he shoots the glass with his gun.

"What a wasta bullets. T'ink Remy coulda just charged it." Remy mumbles to himself.

He runs inside the museum and runs up the grand ramp that leads to the roof. Remy is panting the whole way up. "After dis, Remy never touch a tread mill again!"

On the roof, Sam reaches the top and climbs over the edge. He gets to his feet and races to the nearest door and tries to open it. To his dismay, it was locked. He tugs on another one with the same results. He pulls on a third and it swings open.

"Guess what's behind do' number t'ree." says a voice coming from the open door. It was Remy's, and he had his weapon pointed straight at Sam. Sam steps backwards to the edge of the roof.

"He's coming! He's coming because I failed, and now he'll kill me, too!" says Sam.

"Hey woah der kid, watch that ledge. Come back over here and we can talk" coaxes Remy. "Suicide ain' ever de answer an de prof won be too happy if y' kill y'self an' Remy coulda stopped you."

"You don't understand, Gambit. Ya wo'lds gonna end" says Sam, and then he blinks normally and then completely alien like. "Woah dat ain' normal." Remy backs up.

Sam looked over the edge of the building, spread his arms, and fell to his death.

After the failed attempt to catch and arrest Sam, Remy returned to the NYPD Headquarters. He then made his way to the debriefing room where a Police Inspector and Blob.

"...and then the perpetrator blinked two sets of eyelids. You mean blinked with both eyes?" inquired the Inspector.

"Non, m'sieu. He blinked normally den 'gain with a completely differen' set." said Remy.

"Sort of a low beam, high beam." said Fred. "Why am I comparing Sam to a car again?"

"Cause I said so." said Wanda, her hands glowing blue.

"Fair enough." Blob replied with a gulp.

"Was that before or after he drew the weapon which you claim evaporated into a million pieces?" asked the Inspector.

"Afte', m'sieu." replied Remy.

And why do you suppose none of the other officers saw either of these events?"

"Might be cuz Remy de on'y one've em ever heard a exercise. Or maybe cuz de badger make him do mos' DR sessions, or maybe cuz Remy wasn' too busy stuffin' his face wit coffee and donuts." said Remy.

"Hey, Gambit! If you were half the man that I am-" began Fred.

"What de hell y' talkin' 'bout? Remy is half de man dat y' are!" shot back Remy. "Mo' like a quarter of de homme y' are."

"What is your problem, Gambit?"

"M' problem, Blob, is y' being all up in Remy's face all de time."

"You know what, Gambit, I bet you threw Sam off the roof!" Fred turn to the Inspector.

"Fred I want to see you outside, right now!" interrupted the Inspector.

"You need ten minutes on a Stairmaster, y' gros Gatard.." said Remy, under his breath.

Remy sat alone in the room for a few minutes, until a woman snuck in. She looks like she was just dragged out of bed. She looks at him once and then whispers to him.

"Anna-Marie Darkeholme. Deputy Medical Examiner. Ah b'lieve yah.. Find me at the morgue on the 26th and Ah'll tell yah what Ah found." says Rogue. "And if Ah have to introduce mahself like that again, there's gonna be hell to pay."

"Rogue..." scowls Wanda.

"Hey, wait a minute! Wait a minute!" says Remy.

She goes out the door and leaves. She's approached by a man.

"Are you Dr. Raven, from the coroner's office?" the man asks.

"No shit Sherlock, that's what mah badge says!" snaps Rogue.

"Would you look right here please?" There was a flash of light and then they went there separate ways. The man came into the room and closes the door behind him.

"Some night, huh?" asks the man, who is Piotr.

"Oui, some night. People blinking two sets of eyelids, an' Remy din' git t' kill Canon Ball cuz he took de coward way out n killed 'imself 'fore Remy could do it." Remy sighed. "Remy need an extra strong bourbon...on de rocks."

"Hey, that hurt, LeBeau!" says Sam.

"They vere gills. Not eyelids." says Piotr.

"An y' are…" asks Remy.

"Did he say anything to you?" asks Piotr, ignoring Remy's question.

"Yeah, sure. He said the world was coming to an end."

"Did he say vhen?"

Remy just looks at Piotr, not answering because in truth, he did not.

"Vould you recognize da veapon if you saw it again?"

"Absolutely." replies Remy.

"Hey, let us go for a ride."

"Wait a minute, Remy's got a ton of paperwork-"

"It's all done."

The Inspector walks by with a smile on his face and gives Remy the thumbs up.

"Good work, LeBeau!" says the Inspector.

Remy looks at the Inspector, then Piotr with a look of confusion.

"You ran dat guy down on foot?" says Piotr, impressed. "Dat's tough. Dat's double tough."

Piotr and Remy drive to a Pawn Shop called Forge's, apparently, they were going to be able to find some alien weapons here.

"Y'!" Remy glowered. "Y; de foo' built dat f'in gun an' let Can'onball wave it round at Remy!"

"Oh crap! I thought I got away from that psycho Cajun!" complains Forge.

"Unlike yo' li'l friend Sammy, y' ain' goin' nowhere" says Remy, charging a card that he pulled from his trench. "Dis is payback for earlier!"

"Remy, you can kill Forge later, but for now just play your part." says Wanda.

"Promise?"

"I'll hold him against the wall for you." Wanda shoots a cold and evil look towards Forge who is cowering in fear behind his desk.

"This is where we're going?" asks Remy as he gets out of the car. "This be Forge's shop, he don' even sell guns."

"Really?" says Piotr, sarcastically.

"Alright, you think it's worth the time to ask him some question so? Fine. Remy just go in dere and do his own t'ing, and den he want some straight answers from you."

"Fine, now go on and "do your thing", comerade."

Remy goes inside the pawn shop to find a sleazy looking man with a metal arm looking at some of his "legal" merchandise.

"Officer LeBeau!" says Forge, laughing nervously. "How'd these get here? I thought I turned them into the proper authorities!" he said looking at some of his Rolexes and taking them off the counter.

"Hey, what were dose?" asks Remy.

"Nothing."

"Forge, what were dose?" asks Remy again with a threatening tone.

"Nothing." says Forge again. Remy turns around. "You black eyed freak, you would recognize stolen merchandise of anybody, wouldn't you, you demon eyed loser!" Forge says under his breath, but unknown to him, Remy heard. "Okay I'm not waiting any more, your mine, Forge!"

Remy pulls out a deck of card and begins charging and throwing them at Forge. This goes on for a little while, Remy laughing like a maniac and Forge screaming like a girl, until Wanda notices what's going on.

"HEY! I SAID AFTER!" Remy was not listening though and Wanda hexed both him and Forge through the wall and into the next room….5 rooms away. "There just some 'stolen', Rolexes, Remy. And Forge, get out of line again, and your through!"

"Well, de way Remy be hearin' it yo' into somet'ing a lilbit hotter'n a buncha stolen watches, Forge." says Remy.

"Sure, you see LeBeau; I'm a big crack dealer now. I just work here because I love the hours." says Forge sarcastically.

"I knew it!"

"Did anybody else miss the sarcasm in my voice just now or just this-" Forge looks at Remy and decides to say something a bit nicer, "-overly nice Cajun man who doesn't really want to kill somebody with a mechanical arm?"

"Remy talkin' 'bout guns, smart ass. Weird ones." says Remy, getting annoyed now.

"Look LeBeau, what you see, is what I got. End of story."

"Yes you heard it straight from the horse's mouth, that's the end of this parody everybody go home!" says Rogue, delighted.

"Not so fast Rogue, we barely have even begun to wipe your memory more than necessary…" says Wanda, with a smirk on her face.

"Wha?" asks Rogue confused.

"Never mind."

"Why don't you show him the imports, Forge?" Orders Piotr coming into the shop, gun drew and at his side.

"H-h-hey R. How….how you doin'?" asks Forge, getting very intimidated.

"Show Mr. LeBeau the imports, now Forge or I'll slam your head into this floor after I shoot it." said Piotr, his voice very threatening.

"Oh! Oh! Can Remy do it, please?" pleads Remy.

"Come on R, you know I got out of that business years ago."

"Don't lie to me, Forge. You know I hate it when you do that."

Piotr raised his weapon and aimed it straight between Forge's eyes. "Woah hold on a minute-" starts Forge.

"I'm going to count to three and if you don't show us the merchandise…" warns Piotr.

"He'll do it, Forge" says Remy with a look of joy in his eye.

"One."

"I've seen him do it."

"Two."

"Come on Forge talk to Remy, de homme's crazy when he's like this."

"He's always crazy." said Forge. "Go on a cruise, get a message-" That was the last thing he said before his head was completely blown away and his body collapses to the floor. Remy draws his weapon and points it at Piotr

"Woah, woah, woah! Drop de weapon and put your hands on your head!" Remy orders Piotr.

"I warned him" said Piotr in his defense.

"Drop the weapon!" Remy ordered again.

"Okay, you warned him."

"Don't make me kill you."

"You insensitive prick!" says Forge's seemingly lifeless body. "Don't you know how much this stings?"

Remy turns around only to see Forge's headless body standing up, and where his head once was another one was starting to grow! Piotr walks up to Forge and points his weapon at him again.

"Prick? Did you just call me a prick?" ask Piotr.

"Oh damn." says Forge.

Piotr walks behind the counter to where Forge is standing and picks him up by the head. He then proceeds to the next room and a couple of seconds later you could here Forge screaming like a girl and yelling for his mommy. When they walk out, Piotr has a smirk on his face and Forge looks like he just got into a major face job that went horribly wrong. His teeth were missing, both his eyes were purple, his nose broken, and blood all over his clothes and face.

"And don't forget you still got to deal with me later." warns Remy

"Show us the stuff or your going to lose another head." orders Piotr calmly.

"OKAY, okay." Forge hits a button and all the shelves in the shop turn upside down to reveal a bunch of alien merchandise.

"LeBeau? Which weapon was it?" asks Piotr.

Remy, who is still standing there dumbfounded about what he just witnessed, looked around the shop to see if he could find the weapon.

"Uh…there. That one." Remy points out to Piotr, who looks extremely pissed off now.

"You sold a carbonizer with implosion capacity to and unlicensed cephlapoid? Forge you piece of sh—"

"He looked alright to me." Says Forge under his breath.

"That weapon is an assassination weapon, Forge. Who was the target?" asked Piotr as calmly as he could muster.

"I don't know" he replies. "Wish it was you though." He says under his breath.

"Dammit Forge!" yells Piotr as he raises his weapon to Forge's head once more.

"I don't know! I'm sorry!" Forge says again with fear in his eyes.

Piotr powers down his weapon and gestures to all the alien weaponry, "This is all confiscated, and I want you on the next transport off this rock or I'm going to come back and shoot you where it doesn't grow back." he threatens.

"Yeah, and I'm gonna be back here tomorrow to talk to you about those Rolexes." Remy says after getting his voice back from all that just happened. Remy and Piotr exit the shop and stand outside.

"Searching for a handle on the moment here?" asks Piotr to Remy who is looking up at the stars. "Can't help you kid, the only comforting advice I can give you is that you won't remember a thing tomorrow." Piotr pulls out his neuralyzer and puts his sunglass on. "Ever see one of these?" He flashes it in Remy's face.

"-and the wife says yeah, Harry, I know, but this one's eating my popcorn!" said Piotr at the end of one of his patented Russian jokes. He then checks his watch. "Oh, got to run. Thanks for the egg rolls, comerade."

"Wait, where is Remy?" asks a very confused Remy.

"You're a bright young man Remy, you just need to stay off the sauce (1). I'll see you tomorrow, nine a.m. sharp. Be there, or be square." Piotr says as he hands Remy a card. On the front it says Remy E. LeBeau, Saturday, 9 a.m., Xaiver Institute for Gifted Youngsters, 1407 Graymalkin Lane. Remy flips the card over and in the middle of the card are three letters:

MIB

"Oh, Forge! Where you, Forge?" asks Remy aloud, his bowstaff drawn. Out of the corner of his eye, Remy sees a shadow behind a window curtain. Remy walks in that direction, acting like he has not seen anything and continues calling out for Forge. When he reaches the curtain he pulls it back to reveal a very scared looking Forge. "Time for some pain, Forge.

** (1) He means Remy should lay off the Tequila  
**

** Okay, well there is the long overdue update of Mutant In Black. Hope you all enjoyed and now please for the sake of my life, you must review! If you do not, well I don't even want to think about what would happen. Well, hopefully until next time, Happy New Year everybody and take care!**

**JediTwitch**


	3. Welcome to the Club!

**Hey all! Bet you're getting tired of all the waiting, and I really have no excuse so, here's the next chapter and I hope you enjoy!**

** Disclaimer - I do not own XMen Evolution...or anything XMen for that matter...Though life would be cool if I did.  
**

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Chapter 3- Welcome to the Club!

There was a small farm house in upstate New York. There were several lights on in the house and Scott was complaining to his wife, Jean, about his dinner, being his usual idiot self.

"I go out, I save the world and you for what must be the thousandth time, then I come home to this. All I want when I get home is a nice fat steak on the table, but instead I get this." complained Scott. "I don't even know what you call this! For crying out loud, Jean, you can use your Phoenix powers to char these things if you wanted too and it wouldn't take that long!"

"I'm sorry Scott…I can try again if you'd like…especially if you want to be the one holding the plate." She muttered to herself.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing," Jean said, innocently. Everybody on set giggled.

Up in the sky, unknown to the Summers', something strange was happening. One of the stars in the sky appeared to be getting bigger.

"I'll tell you what it looks like," continued Scott. "It looks like poison." Jean, fed up with Scott's attitude, decided to take his plate away. "Hey don't you take that away from me dammit, I'm eating that! This is poison isn't it!"

"I can make it that way if you want me to," Jean said under her breath.

The star that appeared to be getting bigger was not actually getting bigger at all. It was moving and getting closer, and it was moving pretty fast!

"You're useless Jean! I swear that the ONLY thing that pulls its weight around here is my damn car!" says Scott. Jean was about to argue back when they both here a very loud explosion right outside the house. Scott gets up and goes outside, his hand on his shades ready to blast whatever made that noise. Though when he got outside, the first thing he saw was that where his convertible once was, now a smoking crater stood.

"Way to go with the fire, Pyro!" says Wanda affectionately.

"Muwahahahaha! FIRE! AND IT'S ALL MINE!" said Pyro, excitedly, half dancing with glee as he chugs a pixie stik.

"Oookay, there will be no more fire OR sugar for you today." She frowns while raising an eyebrow. "AND WHO THE HELL GAVE HIM PIXIE STIX!"

"Ah, the abso-fricken-lutely wonderful life of an actor…," said Scott to himself. He heads towards the crater and sees his car smashed into two pieces. His jaw drops in horror and he falls to his knees, mourning his baby. He also sees something else, something not of this world.

"What is it, Scott?" asks Jean from the porch.

"Get your big butt back in the house." Scott orders Jean.

Jean headed back inside the house and sat down at the dinner table, but not before using her powers to push a frightened Scott to the mouth of the crater and laughed. Scott returned his attention to the crater; his shades were ready to come off in a moments notice.

"Please, place you projectile weapon on the ground." said a voice, coming from in the crater.

"What? I don't have a projectile weap––what the hell is a projectile weapon?" asked Scott.

"A gun you moron." said Rogue. "Woulda thought y'all of all people would know that. Jean, how do put up with this idiot?"

Jean shrugged and looked away.

"Wait a minute, Rogue. Where did you come from? I thought you were at lunch." Scott looks confused.

"I was," said Rogue. "But I decided to come back and watch you get––" Remy clapped a hand over her mouth.

"Rogue, now don't spoil it for de audience, chére." said Remy.

"Watch me get what, Rogue?" asked Scott, getting very frightened.

"Oh, nothing' sugah. Ya'll see." Rogue replied, with a smirk on her face.

"Oh, and here's your 'projectile weapon', Scott." said Wanda, tossing over what looks like a nice gun. "A nice little shotgun for ya!"

"Gee thanks Wanda." He says chipperly. "HEY! It's only a toy!"

"Don't you think I know that Summers?" Wanda asks in a very sugary voice that would send anyone smart for the hills. "Our producer's in high school. Low budget and all that. Now get back to work or else!"

A lamp shatters behind him and he gulps. "Okay, well at least now the script makes more sense. So now I'm supposed to say…um…line?" Asked Scott.

"You can have my gun…" growled Wanda, her hands started to glow blue in frustration.

"Oh right! You can have my gun, when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers!" Scott said to the crater.

"Your proposal is acceptable." said the crater.

A long arm then shot out of the crater, grabbed Scott by the head, and pulled him into the crater. He screamed for dear life as his insides were being eaten, screaming for Jean to help, and especially, he was screaming for his mother. After all that, Scott still managed to climb out of the hole, but it wasn't exactly Scott. All of his body parts were stretched out and he looked like somebody was wearing his skin. 'Scott' (we shall now know as Willet (1)) walked back inside the house.

"Yes Summers is dead!" shouted Lance. "Party at my place after this scene!"

"I'm not really dead, just my character!" protested Scott from back stage.

"Too bad, you are dead for the day. Party!"

"Would you all just shut up and get back to work?" Wanda growled. "Although on second thought that party doesn't sound half bad. Hm…I'll make a celebratory cake. Now PLACES people."

Jean was waiting inside for her husband, but when she saw him, she couldn't believe what was standing in front of her.

"Scott? What on earth was that?" she asked.

"Sugar." said Willet, in a more refined voice.

"I've never seen sugar do that." said Jean, wondering if he was on drugs.

"Give me…sugar."

Jean grabbed the bowl of sugar that was on the table and handed it to Willet.

"In water." he said.

She poured a teaspoon of it into a glass of water and handed it to Willet, but he doesn't take it was still eyeing the sugar. She poured more of it into the water until Willet gave her some kind of okay, and then handed it to him. He drank it all in one gulp.

"That was utterly disgusting…" said Rogue.

"Hey, it could've been worse." said Wanda.

"Scott? Your…skin is hanging off your bones." said Jean, looking a little disgusted. "You look like something out of Bobby's Resident Evil Video Game."

Willet looks into a mirror, and then grabbed a chunk of The rubber Scott suit's head and pulled it back, stretching out the skin some more.

"There. Is that better?" he asked.

The only thing that Jean did (and could possibly do under the circumstance) was faint.

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Remy took Piotr up on his offer and went to the Xavier Institute the next day. He drives up to the place on his motorcycle and checks the card to compare addresses.

"Oui, dis be it. 1407 Graymalkin Lane." When he's satisfied that it's the right place, he parks his bike on the side of the wall and lets himself into the mansion.

He walks in and there is totally and utter chaos. Remy thought that he was tricked and was given a fake address. Then, a brown haired girl came up to him with a curious look in her eyes.

"Like, can I help you?" asked the girl.

"Maybe," said Remy. "I'm looking for a guy named P and he told me to come here-"

"Oh yeah, he told me you might show up. I'm Kitty Pryde. You must be Remy LeBeau. P is, like, in the basement, I can show you how to get there." Kitty led him to an elevator. "Just take this down and you'll be where you need to be."

"Ok, thanks," said Remy, excited.

It takes about ten seconds for the elevator to reach its destination, and the doors behind Remy swung open.

"You're late. Sit down." said a bald man in a wheelchair.

"What was all that chaos about upstairs?" asked Remy.

"Oh, those are just some of the students that we teach. You must remember, Mr. LeBeau, that this is also a school."

"Oh, right."

Remy takes a seat and notices that he isn't the only person there. There were, in fact, four other people there with him, all in military official dress uniforms.

"Okay, now that you all are here let me introduce myself," said the man in the wheelchair. "My name is Charles Xavier. All of you are here because you are the best of the best in the field of Marines, Navy SEALS, Army Rangers…NYPD. (Rogue, "God help us, Remy is working for the cops…The irony may kill us." This received a few laughs.) And we're looking for one of you, just one. What will follow are a series of tests designed to test you in - I see we already have a question."

Remy's hand was in the air.

"Woah, when was the last time you saw Remy put his hand in the air to actually ask something," commented Rogue. "He usually just…talks."

"Um, Rogue? It's in the script, and I think he might be a little scared of Wanda because of what happens when her hands start glowing," said Jean.

"Ooooh."

"Hey you two," said Wanda. "Be quiet."

"Yeah, Remy sorry it's just haven't heard anybody ask this yet but, why exactly are we here?" he asked.

There was a couple of seconds of silence, then one of the soldiers hand was up in the air. Xavier nodded to him and he stood up and stood at attention.

"Roonil Wazlib (2), West Point, graduate with honors. We are here because you are looking for the best of the best of the best, sir!" Wazlib then smirks at Remy and sits back down. Remy tries to keep in a laugh, but fails miserably.

"What's so funny, son?" asks Xavier.

"Remy…Remy don't know, sir. Dis guy-"Best of de best of de best sir, wit' honors," Remy sorry but dat kid has absolutely no idea why we here," Remy said. He looked around and saw that nobody else was laughing with him.

"Okay…" Xavier continued. "Let's begin."

"Begin? Begin what?" asked Remy.

"There is a test packet under your rear, LeBeau." said Wanda.

"Test?" Remy said, horrified. "Nobody told me anything about having to take a test!"

"It's not a test that counts for anything, its part of the scene. Now take it out and act like you know what half of the answers are."

Remy grumbled under his breath. "Thought Remy was done wit' dis nonsense when 'e dropped outta highschool."

The four other recruits took their tests. Everybody, including Remy, was having a hard time taking it because they had no solid surface to write on. Remy got tired of this and noticed that there was a table in the middle of the room. He got up and, with a sound like nails on a chalkboard, dragged the table to his chair.

"Y'all wanna get down with me?" he asked. The recruits just looked at him like he was nuts. Xavier just looks at the dark windows and grins to the man watching from behind: Piotr.

After the test, Xavier took Remy and the recruits to the entrance of a different room and wheeled away. They heard an alarm and the door unlocked and they all rushed in to find a table with some guns on it. They each picked one up and began shooting what appeared to be aliens. Remy, however, just looked around before he fired his weapon. After he did, the lights came on and Xavier wheeled inside, not looking the least bit pleased.

"Great, first we make him a cop, and now we give him a gun. We are walking on the dangerous side here." said Rogue.

Remy turned to Rogue, "Why are you and everybody else picking on Remy t'day? All Remy did was play de damn part."

"LeBeau, what happened?" asked Xavier.

"Hesitated. Sorry, got distracted." Remy replied, but with a hurt tone because everybody was making fun of him.

"Okay, okay, Remy. We'll stop, I promise…at least for now," said Wanda.

Xavier pushed a small button on his wheel chair, and a cardboard girl, with a bullet shot in her forehead, came to the front.

"Can you please explain to me why little Tiffany had to die?"

"Well, sir, she seemed to be the on'y one who looked dangerous at de time," said Remy simply, and sounding much more cheerful.

"And how is that?"

Remy points to an alien that is hanging from a street light. "See this guy, he's not dangerous, he's just working out. Remy mean, how would feel if some dude came in and busted my butt while I was on the tredmill. And dis one over here, was gonna pop him because he's a snarlin', ugly lookin' alien. Den Remy notice de tissue in his hand an' Remy realize that he's not snarling he's sneezing! No t'reat there. Den, Remy saw li'l Tiffany. Petite eight year old white fille in de ghetto in de mi'le of de night wit' Quantum Physics books? Xavier, dose books be way to advanced fo' her and if y' ask Remy she's gonna be starting some top level merde!"

Everybody on set just looked at Remy in amazement.

"Did he just say Quantum Physics?" said Wanda shocked. "Heck, for that matter did he just memorize that entire part?"

"Hey give Remy some credit!" said Remy. "He can do t'ings just as good as y'all! Geeze, no respect fo dis po' Cajun."

"Oh we have respect for you Remy," said Rogue. "It's just we never thought you would remember all that…darn it I lost that bet…"

"There was a bet?"

"Excuse me people, but can we please keep this going?" growled Wanda.

Xavier just looks at Remy without showing any emotion.

"Or do I owe her an apology?" asked Remy, sarcastically, getting back into his part, but still a little disappointed in his friends.

Xavier just turned his wheelchair around and exited the room. "Wait here," he told them.

Remy stepped up to Tiffany and inspected his work. "T'was a good shot though," he said. Then, in a whisper he said, "Sorry, Tiffany."

Xavier wheeled his way to where Piotr was standing looking through the dark glass. He looked up and nodded at Xavier.

"He's got a real problem with authority, P," said Xavier.

"So do I, but this kid ran a cephlapoid down on foot. I cannot believe I am goink to say this about Remy, but we could use somebody like him," said Piotr.

"Remy heard dat!" said Remy. "Just because y're behind some glass don't mean Remy can't hear y'!"

"Well, I just hope you know what you're doing then." Xavier said, ignoring Remy. He wheeled back into the Danger Room and gestured to the recruits.

"Congratulations, you all are what we have come to expect. Now if you all follow me, there is one more test, an eye exam," he said to the recruits.

They all came out of the room, but Piotr stopped Remy from going to this final exam and instead handed him a black folder.

"Hey it's y'!" Remy said like he just made the greatest discovery of human and mutant kind to date.

Piotr just ignored him, "Back in the mid 1950's, the government started an agency with the laughable purpose of make contact with beings not of this world."

As they are walked down the hallway, they passed the place where the other recruits where having their examination. Remy saw Xavier take a silver device from his pocket and put on sunglasses. A few seconds after they passed the room, Remy saw a flash of light in the hallway. Piotr continued like he saw nothing at all.

"Everybody thought that this agency was a joke…except the aliens who made contact on March 22, 1961 outside New York City," continued Piotr. "There were nine of us that night…well seven agents, an amateur astronomer, and one dumb kid who got lost on the wrong back road."

"Wait, y' just said nine of _us_. Piotr, how old are y'? Vraiment?" asked Remy.

"The character that I am playing? Older than dirt," Piotr responded flatly.

Remy was flipping through the notebook that Piotr had handed to him. He stopped when he got to a particular picture of a younger looking Piotr holding up some flowers to a very tall alien.

"Aw, y' brought de alien fleurs," Remy teased.

They took a right down the next hallway. Ignoring Remy, Piotr continued. "They were intergalactic refuges with a simple request: let us use the Earth as a home for aliens without a planet. We agreed, and began hiding all evidence of their landings."

Remy was still flipping through the notebook and stopped at another picture. This time was the 1964 World's Fair grounds with flying saucers at the top.

"So den dese are real flyin' saucers?" Remy asked.

"Why else would we hold it in Queens." Piotr responded.

"Okay. Um, not t' chance de subject or anyt'in', but, uh, when was de last time y' got yo'self a cat-scan?"

"Every six months, it is company policy."

"Uh huh…Well Remy t'ink it be 'bout time y' made another appointment," Remy said, and he was very serious about it. "Look, s'been great, but why don't you show Remy de door."

Piotr leads him to the way out, and stopped at a door along the way. "Hey I am goink to get some coffee, do you wish for some?" he asked.

"No, just show Remy de door t'ank y'," replied Remy.

"Okay, well I am goink to go grab some I shall be right back."

Piotr opened the door and what Remy saw made his eyes grow huge! Three gold aliens that looked like worms with arms and legs, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes…and they were also somehow manipulating the fire that was coming out of the end of one of the lighters. The three of them sounded and acted as strangely as Pyro did and he remembered that Magneto was working on one of his insane experiments again before he left the Acolytes a couple of months ago. Remy figured something must have gone horribly, horribly wrong. And how they ended up here at this place if it was a trio of mutated Pyro's, Remy figured only God knew.

"Hey, boys!" said Piotr to the worm things. "What do we have today? I hope it is not that powdered cream crap, I hate that stuff."

"Nah," says one of the worms.

"We have some good stuff over there," the second one said.

Piotr went over and poured himself a cup of coffee. "Thank you boys, now do not work too hard, you three."

"Yeah, no problem!" the three of them said in unison.

He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. Remy was still in shock about what he had just seen. Piotr gently pushed Remy's jaw up, closing his mouth.

They left the mansion and walked for a little while. They finally sat down at a bench at a park. Remy was still in shock about the aliens he saw. Piotr gave Remy some time to absorb it all by finishing his coffee.

"At any given time, there are around fifteen hundred landed aliens on this planet," said Piotr. "The majority of them live right here in Bayville and most of them are decent enough, there just trying to make a living."

"Cab drivers?" Remy asked, attempting to play it off as a joke but really meaning what he said.

"Not as many as you would think," Piotr responded. "Humans do not have a clue about them for the most part. They do not want one either, they think they have a good beat on things."

"Well, why the big secret? People are smart they can handle it."

"A person is smart. People are dumb and you know it! Everything they thought was for certain was proven wrongs. A thousand years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago you knew we were alone in the universe. Imagine what you shall know tomorrow."

"Gah, there's a tomorrow?" asks Remy. "Do we even get the weekends off, Wanda?"

"Only if you want me to give you a reason to have the weekend off," she said sweetly.

"But, nobody else hast' work 'em!" he complained.

"Everybody else has smaller parts than you. Besides, it's not everybody else, Piotr doesn't have them either."

"What? You said I did, Wanda!" said Piotr.

"Well, the way that this author updates every three months…you might just get yourselves a three month break…" (2)

Remy just sat there for a few minutes, both reveling in Wanda's declaration and trying to take all of what Piotr had said in. "So…so what's the catch?" He figured getting back to work on the parody would be his safest option.

"The catch? The catch is that nobody will know you exist…ever." said Piotr. "You have until sunrise to think about it, kid." Piotr got up and started heading back to the mansion.

"Hey P! Is it worth it?" Remy asked.

"Oh yeah it's worth it," he said. "If you are strong enough."

"Okay, that's a wrap for this scene," said Wanda cheerfully. " Now, I believe we have a death day celebration to attend in memory of Scott."

"But I'm not dead!" Scott whined.

(1) One of my friends requested for me to use this name because it's a play on one of her teachers' names…and yeah I basically said I'd be happy too.

(2) Here's a bone for all you Potter fans out there, Ron's misspelling of his own name.

(3) The author being me, I know I'm horrible at regular updates but I haven't abandoned anything!

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**Okay and there you have it, folks! Hope you enjoyed and I'm seriously going to try and update this on a regular basis so, keep an eye out. Take care!**

** JediTwitch  
**


	4. The Birth of an Alien!

**Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know…it's been a long time since I updated this story but you got to understand that I've been really, really, really busy. See, I'm graduating High School soon and the teacher put the homework on like no tomorrow, because frankly there is NO tomorrow. So I've been busy with that so I really didn't have a lot of free time. As I said, though, I graduate really soon so I should be updating often. I just hope y'all stick around. Okay enough with my excuses, here Mutants in Black Chapter 4-The Birth of an Alien from SciFiSG1 formerly known as JediTwitch. Enjoy!**

MiB Chapter 4-The Birth of an Alien!

The next day on the Summer's farm, the Orkin Man, named Bob Blish, arrived and headed towards their barn

"Wait, since when do we own a barn?" queried Scott, who was ignored by the general populace.

Everybody was supposed to be gone so he just went inside and prepared to eliminate the cockroaches that have also taken up residence in their barn. When he got inside the barn, he saw cockroaches the size of New York, and not just one or two, but hundreds of them.

"Well, well, well. Movin' right in are we? Thinking we own the place, eh?" said Blish. He untangled the hose that was attached to a tank marked "Poison" and aimed it at the cockroaches.

"HAHAHA! Feel my wrath!"

"Just what exactly are you doing in here?" said a voice from behind Blish. He turned around and saw that it was Scott Summers, only he looked…different.

"Oh crap! Caught! Oh…um..I'm…I'm taking care of you pest problem. Yeah, that's it," he said.

"Pest problem? Pest?" shouted Willet.

"Yeah. You got on heck of an infestation here."

Willet started to move towards Blish. "You know, I have noticed an "infestation" here, everywhere I look as a matter of fact. Nothing but undeveloped, unevolved, barely conscious pond scum who are so convinced of their superiority as the scurry about their short, pointless lives." Willet said.

"Can you repeat that, please?"

"You heard me..," Willet said with a glare in his eye.

"Well, don't you want me to get rid of them?" asked Blish getting that giddiness back again.

"Oh, yes. In the worst way."

Willet lashed out and grabed the hose and he shoved the hose down his throat…with the gas on, and that had effectively killed him.

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Back at the Xavier Institue, Remy was waiting for the elevator to come to his level, to take him to his destiny. His decision was final, and he knew there was no turning back now. The elevator finally reached his level, and inside waiting for him was Piotr. Remy stepped inside, and the doors closed behind him, and the elevator began to descend.

"All right," said Remy. "Remy in wit y'all because der be some next level stuff goin' on 'round here, and Remy wit dat. But before y'all get ta beamin' me up, der are a couple of t'ings we need to get straight. First you chose Remy, meanin' you recognize de skill. So no callin' Remy "son" or "sport" or "kid" or anytin like dat. Daccord?"

"Right comrade. Now, about those "skills" of yours," said Piotr as the elevator doors behind them opened up. They turned around and what Remy saw made his jaw drop wide open. "As of this moment, they do not mean much."

The first thing Remy noticed about the place, is that it was huge. There were both humans and aliens everywhere, even a human that was upside down on the ceiling! Remy and Piotr stepped out of the elevator and took another platform down the main floor. They walked past what appeared to be a Passport Office for aliens traveling to Earth.

"Purpose of trip?" asked the passport officer, Fred "Blob" (last name)

"Diplomatic mission," said the Arquillian alien.

"Duration of stay?"

"Lunch."

"Well. Remy has definitely landed in the weird world…"

Remy just stood there in complete fascination, until Piotr grabbed him by the arm and lead him into a little room filled with neat little devices.

"So, what branch of de government do we report to?" asked Remy. "And by de way, anythin' the governmet tells y' 'bout Remy is a lie!"

"None, they ask to many questions," replied Piotr. He picked up a device from the center table. "Here, a recording device. It will replace CD's one day. And what have you been up to that would deserve government inspection, anyway?"

"Never mind…" Remy said quickly.

He put the item down and held up a metal tube and a small wire chip that looked like a microphone.

"We are not really supposed to have this, and I shall tell you why. Human thought is so primitive that it is considered an infectious disease. Makes you proud, does it not?"

"Infectious? Well, maybe Pyro's thought is, but try and get into Remy's head an' you'll wish y' hadn't," said Remy

"I am not even going to ask," said Piotr.

"Trust me, Ah doubt anybody wants ta know wha' Remy means by that," said Rogue.

"Now dat hurts, chere. If y'read Remy's mind, y' might jus' like it."

"Ah'm gonna let ya down easy, swamp rat. Ain't no way in hell Ah'd go into ya head even if Ah could."

"Are you all quite done? I'd like to get this scene done so we can go to lunch," said Wanda, unusually patiently.

Remy saw a yellow ball just floating there, and his curiosity got the best of him. When he touched it, the ball zoomed off and bounced off the walls, and there was no stopping it. The "ball" bounced out into the main room and bounced off walls, desks, desk laps, and even donuts (well it bounced through them) and straight into the science lab. The ball bounced off every wall and destroyed every piece of science equipment that was in the room, and at this point, Remy had a look of total terror on his face and all he wanted to do was crawl in a hole and disappear. When the ball "bounced" out of the science lab, it went around the main room some more before finally coming back into the room they were standing it where Piotr was waiting for it with some sort of glove. He cought it and he put it back to where it was floating before.

"REMY!" yelled Beast.

"Sorry, Hank! It was part of the script. Blame Wanda!" apologized Remy.

"Remy!" scolded Wanda. "Back to the script. And Hank? I'm gonna borrow some of your experiment stuff so we can break it…just thought you might like to know."

"Yes. AFTER you destroyed it!"

"This caused the 1977 New York blackout. It was a practical joke by St. John Alyerdice, he thought it was very funny," said Piotr, getting back to business.

They walked out of the room, and Remy was getting very dirty looks from everybody because of the chaos he had just caused.

"Sorry y'all. It was an accident," he apologized.

They walked to the other side of the room where a huge screen stood showing a map of the world. The screen stood from floor to ceiling and Remy found himself with his jaw dropped open.

"Observation," Piotr explained. "The heart of our little endeavor. This map that you see shows every registered alien on the earth at any given time. Some we have to keep under constant surveillance."

Piotr hit a button and the screen changed from a picture of the Earth to a hundred smaller video images. Each image displayed a known alien that has a human skin suit…including Michael Jackson!

"Great, the author just HAD to throw him in this, didn't he," scowled Wanda.

"Met the twins, Amara Aquilla and X-23, aka Laura Kinney," Piotr pointed out two boney aliens with eight arms and a single eye growing out of a stalk in their heads. The twins looked Remy's way and waved three of their arms. By this point, Remy was getting used to things, though he knew he would probably never get totally used to their being other life forms other than humans.

"I do NOT like this costume!" said Laura. A few seconds later, there was a SNIKT sound and Laura was out of her costume. "Ah, that's better."

"LeBeau! Let's put it on," said Xavier coming up behind them.

"Put what on?" asked Remy.

"The last suit you will ever wear."

Xavier lead Remy to the locker room and showed him to his locker. Before he changed, Xavier explained to him what was going to happen to him and his identity.

"From now on, you will only dress in MIB attire. You will conform to the identity we give you, eat where we tell you, and sleep where we tell you. You will have no identifying marks of any kind. You will not stand out in any way."

Remy was shown into another white room. He held both of his hands on the sides of this key pad and his fingerprints were erased, erasing any way of ever finding him. Meanwhile, Piotr was sitting at his desk with all of Remy's identity cards on his computer screen. One by one Piotr began to erase all existence of Remy LeBeau.

"You are a rumor," Xavier continues telling Remy. "You are recognizable as déjà vu and you are dismissed just as quickly. You do not exists, you were never born. Your name is annominous and silence is now your speech. You are no longer a part of the system, you are now above the system."

Piotr was almost finished erasing all of Remy's identity cards, and he was now deleting his name letter by letter until all there was left was the letter 'R', and Piotr hit the enter key on his keyboard. Remy LeBeau no longer existed. Agent R had come to life.

"We are them, we are they. We are the Mutants In Black," finished Xavier.

Remy walked out of the locker room and headed over to Piotr who was just finishing up with his work on Remy's identity. Piotr heard Remy walk up behind him so he turned around to look at his new partner.

"You know what the difference between you and me is?" asked Remy.

"What?" inquired Piotr.

"Remy make dis look good."

"Remy? You forgot to take off your trench," said Xavier.

"But Remy don' wanna!" Remy said.

"Please take it off. You know the rules. You can only wear what was issued to you. The trench coat-"

"Was not! I know! But I'm not takin it off. Remy'd feel….naked wit' out it! An' we all don' wan' dat now do we?"

"I am not asking you again, Remy. Laura?" said Xavier.

SNIKT

"Okay! Okay! It's off! It's off!" yelled Remy, fearing for his life.

"And that time it wasn't me who was threating him," said Wanda.

Remy and Pietro were called to Xavier's office which was elevated above the main floor. The room wall were made of glass so Remy could see all that was going on below. The two agents sat down across from Xavier.

"What is it, X?" asked Piotr.

"We had an unauthorized landing last night somewhere in upstate New York. Keep you ears open on this one P," said Xavier.

An alarm started sounding and the screen that was used to look at all the known aliens changed into a map. An alien was trying to leave the boundaries of Manhattan.

"What's goin' on?" asked Remy.

"Landed alien outside of their zone boundaries," said Piotr. "Who is it?"

"Cory Swiss," said Xavier. "He's not cleared to leave Manhattan but he's well out of there and he is stuck in traffic. Why don't you take junior here and take him out with you. It would be a good warm up for him."

_Kinda name is Cory Swiss?_ Remy thought to himself.

The two agents took the elevator back to the main level of the mansion and went out to the garage. There were a bunch of nice looking sports cars, but the one that Piotr and Remy were taking was a Ford from 1995.

"We have all dis technology and we're gonna' be crusin' around in dis?" said Remy.

"Do you prefer to walk?" asked Piotr, getting annoyed with Remy. They both got into the Ford. "Fasten your seat belt." They took off, hoping to catch up to Cory before he got too far. "Oh, and R?"

"Yeah?"

"See that red button there? Never, ever push the little red button."

"So, why didn' we take Scoots car?" asked Remy. "It be faster and cooler than dis…"

Remy could not help now but to think about what would happen if he pushed the little red button.

After about a half hour of looking for Swiss, they finally caught up to him and pulled him over. Piotr and Remy got out of the Ford and went to the driver's side window of Cory's car.

"License and registration, please," Piotr requested.

Cory handed over his alien license and registration because he knew who he was dealing with. Piotr looks over the cards very carefully, It said he was restricted to Manhattan.

"So where do you think you are going, Mr. Swiss?" asked Piotr.

"It's my wife. She's well…look." said Cory. In the back of the care was a woman who was apparently very pregnant and very much in labor. She screamed in pain, telling Piotr that she was going to have that baby very, very soon.

"Okay, alright. My partner can handle this," Piotr said.

"What? No wait, what P? Homme I can't -" stammered Remy.

"Sure you can. All you have to do is catch. Mr. Swiss, will step out of you vehicle and come with me please." They walked a few yards away from the car and start chatting about why he was trying to get out of town. Meanwhile, Remy was trying to deliver his very first alien baby!

"Oh merde, why me? Oh man what the-? Hey P? Oh merde! Hey P! Something peakin'!" yelled Remy. Suddenly, out of nowhere came this tentacle and it wrapped itself around Remy's waist.

"Ah crap, dis is gonna hurt, a lot," said Remy. The tentacle lifted him into the air and began to wave him in the air and pounded him against the hood of the car.

All the while, Piotr was completely ignoring Remy's situation and concentrating on Cory. He wanted to get to the bottom of this because he wanted to get back to the mansion and get something to eat. He had not eaten in a while.

"So, what is going on?" he asked. "Who are you meeting?"

"Well, it's a…ship," said Cory.

"Really? I did not see any departures for today."

"You didn't? Well, it's a…uh…an emergency," Cory stammered.

"Hey P, Remy…I mean R…could really use some help over here!" yelled Remy.

Piotr looked over to his partner who was being thrown around like a rag doll. "You are doing fine, R," he said. "Now, what is the emergence? Why the sudden rush to get off of this planet?"

"No R is NOT doing fine! R is being thrown around!" Piotr just kept ignoring him.

"We…just don't like the neighborhood anymore…Some of the…new arrivals…" Cory said.

"Wait a moment, does this have anything to do with the crash landing from last night?"

But before Cory could answer, Remy was thrown to the ground holding a new born baby alien. Cory rushed over to him with Piotr behind him, mad that he did not get an answer, but he would just let it go for now.

"Congratulations, Mr. Swiss," said Piotr. "It's a…squid."

"Oh man," said Remy. "You know? It's actually…sorta-" Just then, the new born vomited all over Remy. "…cute…"

Remy and Piotr let Cory Swiss and his wife leave, and they headed back to their Ford. Remy was sitting in the car with a look of absolute disgust, because he just got thrown up on. Piotr got in the car and just sat there, thinking about the conversation he just had with Cory.

"Did any of that seem unusual to you?" Piotr asked Remy. All Remy did was look at him. "Right, never mind. So, what would scare Cory so bad that he would risk a warp jump with a newborn? Let us go check the hot sheets."

A few minutes later, back in New York, Piotr pulled up in front of a newsstand. He took some magazines with title such as "Man Eats Own House" and "Top Doctors Baffled, Baby Born Pregnant!" Piotr paid for the articles and then started to search through them.

"Des are de "hot sheets"?" asked Remy.

"Best investigative reporting on the planet. But you can read the New York Times if you want, you get lucky sometimes."

"Ya mean ya are actually lookin' for tips in de supermarket tabloid?"

"Not looking for, found"

The head line of this magazine read: "Alien stole my husband's skin."

"Again R restates: Oh crap…"

"Okay, and cut!" said Wanda. "Now, as director, and basically boss of all of you, I say we can be done for today. So go home everybody and get some sleep and be back here at 4:00 a.m."

"But Wanda! It's already 2 in the morning. No way can Remy get his beauty sleep in two hours! Never mind chere here!" complained Remy.

"Wah' was that 'bout meh, Swamp Rat?" asked Rogue.

"Nothin' chere!"

"Well, Remy, if you want more than what I give you, I could always find somebody else to play your part…" Wanda said with a smirk. 

"Two hours? Who needs more than that? Remy certainly don't. Remy be back at 4 like ordered!" Remy mocked saluted, then turned on his heals and headed for the kitchen, following Rogue who had already left.

**Okay so there you all have it, Chapter 4. Now my next update should be out soon so look for it because I've started it and am already a quarter way through! So until next time, take care of yourselves and each other. Oh and by the way, please review because if you don't, I may not update…and don't think I won't because I probably will anyway…Peace!**

**Love, Loyalty, Respect**

**SciFiSG1**


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